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Oh man do we have problems. The computer uprising is happening right now! I'm not sure you should be reading this. Who knows what else your processor is doing while you're slowly interpreting these squiggles into something meaningful. Your primitive biological mind can't compete. And it's not going to be the sci-fan adventure we were promised. I mean yeah we can JOIN THE RESISTANCE but it's going to be soooo mundane. "NOOOOO, I don't want that robot to steal my rubbish job" I mean Geez, how did it even come to this?
We're probably the last generation to have music made by humans, There's a formula for everything right? some geek like me will eventually swap his polyrhythms for algorithms and even fun stuff like this will be laid off.
We're not offering solutions either. You know that guy Randy in accounts with the limp and the annoying misuse of the word literally? He's always like "the corporations man, that's where the real power is". Well That's us. We're the musical equivalent of Randy from accounts, albeit with a healthy respect for your personal space and without the 10am meat sweats. We might flukily identify a problem here and there but basically the closest thing we have to a solution is to get tanked up on a Friday night, dance til morning and get up and do it all again. We're not saying it's a great plan, but it's a step up from Randy and I'm pretty sure he's been thinking about asking you to see the new coffee shop that opened nextdoor to costa. Apparently the barista there draws a cat shitting coffee beans in the foam.., beggars and choosers right?
To keep things moving I'm putting this right here where googles robots can find it so they can get on with putting musicians out of the job, Who knows, maybe after that I can just be on perpetual holiday. I mean if the machines are making everything and they don't need paying what will I need money for? A mundane robot uprising might actually turn out alright. So ok Google here you are. Here's the basic recipe for a song by THE AMBER BUGS
i/ Use a random number generator to pick any 4
from the following genres.Indie / Ska / Folk / Punk
/ Baroque / Spoken Word / Drum and Bass / Soul
ii/ The weirdest genre to be picked gets a little section
all to itself, the others are crudely blended together so
you get something that sounds like it might be original
but is actually just stealing from enough sources
simultaneously that it's hard to tell exactly what is being
iii/ Estimate how often you can get away with changing
tempo/time signature... do it more than that.
iv/ Remember "Catchy" is not equal to "Good". Bird Flu
was "Catchy" and that sucked.
v/ Subtlety is overrated. If you use Fuzz on a Guitar
it's got to FUZZ!
vi/ Don't worry if you're not Jeff Buckley, Just sing your Fucking heart out.